Debbie's story
Debbie never planned to be a carer. But for the last 10 years she has been looking after her mother-in-law, Barbara. Barbara is partially sighted, suffers from diabetes and heart problems and was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.
Debbie, 36 from Burnage, Manchester, lives just three doors away from her mother-in-law, with her husband Robert and children Claire, Catherine and Natalie. On call 24 hours a day, Debbie looks after Barbara’s every need, taking her to hospital appointments, cleaning the house, paying the bills - anything that reduces any stress or worry for Barbara.
Due to her conditions, Barbara is very dependent on others which she finds frustrating. She struggles to do things around the house without getting breathless and putting more strain on her heart.
As much as Debbie loves Barbara, her caring role took its toll, especially when the family first found out about Barbara's cancer. Debbie explained: “I really struggled to express how I was feeling and instead of talking about what I was going through, I bottled it up which contributed to me getting ill myself.
“Despite Barbra’s bravery and determination I was going through a very emotional time and realised that I needed someone to talk to and offer me support.”
Debbie contacted Carersline, run through Manchester Carers Centre, who offered her support and advice and informed her about the Caring with Confidence sessions. Debbie added: “The sessions helped me understand how to deal with certain circumstances in my caring role more effectively. I now assess situations more clearly and know that I can’t always do things that are not within my control.
“Sharing my own experiences and learning from other carers has made me realise that I am not alone as we all experience similar emotions, feelings of guilt, isolation and frustrations. In the past I have taken on too much and I now know not to feel so guilty about saying ‘no’. I have definitely become more assertive and feel much more confident. I used to look forward to the sessions each week as it allowed ‘time for me.”
Since participating in Caring with Confidence, Debbie is also looking to start a new course to help her back into employment.